In today’s world, where a woman can have equal or higher social, educational and financial standing than her man, does the notion of dating or “marrying your equal” take on a whole new meaning? More after the click.
Deciding who you want to grow old with, make children with, sleep next to every night, wake up with every morning, face all the things that life can throw at you each day, etc – aka choosing your life partner – is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make. As I’ve gone through the whole dating process, one piece of advice I’ve heard along the way – and I can speak for several of my friends who’ve confirmed that they got the same advice – was to aim to “marry your equal”. Equal or better, of course.
What most well-meaning aunties, uncles (moms, dads, basically every family member or family friend who mentioned it) usually meant when they said “marry your equal” was “marry someone who is as smart as you (or smarter), as financially stable as you (or more so), as ambitious as you (or more so), etc.”
But in maturing and going through different love related situations – do you think that that definition still rings true? Is equality in a relationship still viewed in terms of intellect, finances, drive and exclusively?
I think age changes things. Alyosa, over at the Broken Coin, wrote a great blog post about how her choices in men and what she deemed important for a relationship differed at different stages of her life. She wrote:
When I was young and naive I chose guys with:
Good looks. Let’s be honest. Good looks mattered to me. I did not pay attention to short, fat, pimply or geeky looking guys. I, probably, missed out on some great guys because I used to judge men by their looks.
Confidence. I mistook arrogance for confidence. Quite a lot.
Laid back attitude. Relaxed and laid back is so opposite of me.
Sex appeal. So what if a guy could not keep up with a conversation about Dreiser?
Unpredictability. In other words, bad boys.
Yes to everything listed. Let me not generalize, but when you’re fresh in the game, all of those factors seem to outweigh whether the guy is actually a man of character, has the stuff to make a home with, etc. As life happens though, and people break your heart and/or teach you valuable lessons of love, you get to assess what you want and don’t want. You become more logical, practical and aware of your needs vs wants. She went on to note that her definition of an equal partner changed over time and was now someone that:
- Has same values, same goals, shares with you same plans and dreams.
- Knows things that you don’t.
- Is confident in his/her own skin.
- Has better qualities than yours.
- Doesn’t care who makes more money in the relationship.
- Makes you laugh hard because he/she is funny and not stupid.
- Knows what communication really means.
- Lets you be yourself and does not attempt to change you. Even a little.
- Can have long conversations with you, and neither of you get bored.
- Never plans for divorce.
- Passes the silence test with flying colors (read the article for this, it’s a good test).*
Others like Tracy Moore and also presented a different idea of equal, agreeing that having an equal partner meant having:
Someone with whom [they] had a “multifaceted bond,” someone who was willing to throw all in, no matter their differences. There is nothing in here about how much money they make or how their resumes compare. It’s a matter of chemistry and like-mindedness and shared values.
So what say you? Traditional vs. New School – What’s your definition of “marrying your equal”?
